Ad Agency launches cutting-edge ‘Dummy Targeting’

Advertisers have been trying for decades to target the perfect consumer: someone who is savvy and sophisticated (translation: wealthy), yet also is too lazy to look deeply into other options and will just buy the freakin’ thing.

In recent years, online advertising has evolved into an entire industry, dedicated to targeting consumers of all shapes and sizes and interests. Today, advertisers can target consumers from any age group, region, and interest category, such as sports enthusiasts, tech geeks, and even soccer moms. However, there has been one segment of the consumer population that has been left out: dummies.

The fact is most consumers are kinda dumb. But advertisers are willing to forgive consumers their character flaw, because they have lots and lots of money. Gaining access to this ‘dummy money’ has been considered the Holy Grail of the advertising industry since its inception, and now a small marketing agency, based in San Francisco, called Little Bear Labs, claims to have invented a method for cornering the dummy market.

Little Bear Labs has developed a network of all the dumb YouTube videos people watch, and all the even dumber Tumblr feeds, targeting their clients’ advertising on those channels exclusively. Guess what, it is working.

“People are such dummies, they will click on just about anything,” said Little Bear Labs CEO, Mischa Stephens. “And with Amazon and PayPal ‘one-click’ payment buttons, they’re lucky to remember what they bought one minute later, let alone one week later when their package arrives on their doorstep. So conversion rates on our dummy network are sky high.”

The massive success of this new targeting method, casually referred to as ‘AdWords for Dummies’, has even attracted the attention of Google and Bing, who are currently in a bidding war over the rights to acquiring it for their large client base.

“Many of our clients complain that Search is becoming too smart for them,” said a Google spokesperson. “It’s true, you have to be smart to use Search. You have to think of which words will get you the answers you are looking for. And that assumes you are smart enough to have questions that need asking.”

Little Bear Labs is thrilled about the response to its new Dummy Targeting, which avoids targeting consumers who ask too many questions, and they are currently developing an additional feature, called ‘Snuggie Targeting’, aimed exclusively at late-night, impulse-buying consumers.